no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
