There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
