Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
