i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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