I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize