who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
