This dress was meant to end up on your floor
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
