5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
i believe in u and ur pee
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
