i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
