i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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