I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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