I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Help me help you realize you are a moron
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize