Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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