is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Are we still banned from the library?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
