After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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