2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
