Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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