he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
