It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
