My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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