I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
