i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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