just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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