I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
