apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize