dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
