You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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