Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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