Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
