omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I looked at my own cervix.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
