is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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