i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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