Joe is yelling at the trees again.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
