my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
