Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
