Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
tell me about the fingering
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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