Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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