overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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