There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
