she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
operation harelip BJ is a go
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
