He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
