id be glad to
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Randomize
