after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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