dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
and you fell through a lawn chair
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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