i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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