I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
