Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
My breath smells like gin and sadness
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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