____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Life is so much better after having sex.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
