The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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