it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
