and i looked up. we had an audience...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
