Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
