i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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