Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Randomize
