oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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