I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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