So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
