She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
