i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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