you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
