Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
