just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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