he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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