How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
