i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
