We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
