White coat. Heels.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
