I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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