U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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