he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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