May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
my poor anus
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
