Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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